MA thesis, Massey University

ii
Abstract
This research project is a narrative that tells a story of the 85% of women who do not recognise their
experience as sexual assault. Remembering with the numerous stories of nonconsensual sex that permeated
my peer group as we imagined our sexual freedoms, I became increasingly concerned with how gendered
sexual violence becomes so normalised in the conditions of our everyday lives. Following the feminist
literature over the past 40 plus years, and despite the knowledge produced through decades of women’s
storytelling, I recognise that nothing much has changed. How is it possible to resist the normalisation of
sexual coercion, contest the hegemony of consent, and open up potential for transforming heteronormativity
to begin to talk about ethical sex. The aim of this research is to disrupt the dominant narrative of sexual
assault that holds women accountable for the violence committed against them, so that we may narrate what
is, in order to provoke what could be. Recognising the singular story of colonial patriarchal heteronormative
sexual violence through the voices of those of us who are not recognised in the affective history of
knowledge production, I take up storytelling as a process of relational meaning making recognising that
stories have the power to move us into action. Hearing the stories of five women, all of whom experienced
an untellable sexual assault, I take up a position as a feminist killjoy, to hear, together, loud and quiet
resistances to provoke what can be. The analysis tells stories of rape as a young person, online safety, rape
and intoxication, sexual assault and silence, and sexual assault and Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), in
collaboration with each storyteller whose narrative is represented here and shaped into a coherent story.
Each narrative brings into view the untellability of sexual violence, and the silencing effects on our affective
embodied experiences. I therefore interrupt the stories with insights into the everyday conditions through
which the affective forces of misogyny, coercion and consent have rendered our experiences as untellable.
Understanding women’s stories as gifts and as a relationship in the co-construction of knowledge, the stories are told so that others may gain an understanding, or hear, relate to and be moved by them. And as the process of storytelling continues, a recognition of purposeful re-storying emerges, stories that move us away from blame and shame. And I remember my rage. And as I take up my responsibility of feminist killjoy, I connect with the fury for the misogyny that justifies rape as just sex, and in loud resistance I privilege the knowledge produced through these stories as the route to strong objectivity (Haraway, 1988) to provoke what can be. Understanding misogyny, sexual coercion and sexual violence as the everyday conditions of women’s lives enables a hearing of the affective flows of meaning making that hold us
responsible, opens the space to provoke us into “wide awakeness”, and to find ways to challenge claims to
knowledge that make us responsible for our own victimisation. In the final chapter, I return to the impossibility of ethical sex, but rather engage with a recognition for the fury of misogyny. Loud resistances. (Author's abstract). Record #9211